literature

Smiling for Cynics

Deviation Actions

nngross's avatar
By
Published:
614 Views

Literature Text

You smile,
Teeth gleaming,
Eyes shining.
You look at me,
At my eyes,
Deep down into them.
Past the green surface,
Through the pupilic abyss into what normally remains hidden.
You see me.
You see the little boy within,
The boy in the corner,
Waiting to be noticed,
As people,
And places,
And lives,
Rush by.
You see the unshed tears,
A reservoir,
Held back by emerald green gates.
You see the hurt,
And the pain,
And the need to go unnoticed.
You see all of that,
Yet you still smile.
Your teeth still gleam,
Your eyes still shine,
And you still look deeply into my pained eyes.
So I smile back,
And you look away.
Then you walk away,
And,
While staring at your back,
I think to myself:
Good thing I'm the kind of man who sees lies behind the truth of every smile.
Well then, it has been a little while since I wrote, and this is what I come up with? Oh well, beggar's can't be choosers, and I was definitely begging for a little bit of inspiration. Not that I am all that upset with the outcome, I actually quite like it :)

Anywho, this was written for Doctrinaire's prompt contest under prompt #4, "Communication, means never doing it." I'm not really sure if this is close enough to the prompt though...some one will have to let me know if this flies or not :/

Also, my main question with this piece is as follows: Is the final sentence surprising enough/does it provide enough of a twist? Meaning, is the feel of the poem completely changed in the last line? Also, do the italics help or hurt the flow of the poem?
© 2010 - 2024 nngross
Comments17
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
melly4260's avatar
I read this twice-because each time I was reading it "Good thing I'm NOT the kind of man..." for me the line did change the feel of the poem...because really tho he is hiding-he WANTS to be noticed....especially by HER...and the ending seems too pessimistic for me...just me tho...I loved the flow-and I could visualize this whole "happening"...well done...:tmnt4: